My heart is broken. I’m not sure when it really started, but this year has been heart breaking in so many ways. However, my heart was breaking long before COVID-19. Watching how horrible we treat each other on social media has frankly been rather devastating to me, and I’ve seen it leak into real life in the last few months as well.
Things really took a dark turn only a few weeks ago. On the morning of October 22nd a high school friend of mine suddenly died of heart failure after a morning run. At that exact same time I was meeting with my cardiologist who was breaking the news to me that I have a dilated aorta and a prolapsed aortic valve. After a few more procedures it was also revealed that I was born with a bicuspid aortic valve. Two weeks after my high school friend passed away another good friend died suddenly at home from heart failure. As I write this I have a cousin in a hospital in North Carolina who is fighting for his life with necrotizing pneumonia. Last week while I was in the hospital having a heart catheterization procedure my 27 year old nephew unexpectedly died in his sleep from complications of diabetes. I would not find out until that evening when I returned from the hospital. Now, this morning I learned the 28 year old husband of a newly married work colleague suddenly passed away. She is the sweetest most gentle person in the world and always brings a ray of sunshine to everyone she meets. I hate knowing how crushed she is right now. My sister is crushed right now. My mother is crushed right now. Both of my friends’ wives and children are crushed right now. I am crushed right now. My heart is literally broken, both physically and emotionally.
I’ve been trying to think about what to write once I decided to tell everyone I would be going in for open heart surgery on December 11th to have my heart valve replaced. I have been thinking for a long time about how to address all you friends in my little social media universe about some of the things that are breaking my heart — even before the last two months turned so dark. We seriously need to step back and look at ourselves. Listen to ourselves. We cannot sustain the level of bitterness I see flying all around me.
I just got off the phone with my priest a few minutes ago, and we discussed these things. In our discussion one phrase became very clear, not just for me and my fears and anxiety, but for us all: Kyrie Eleison. Christe Eleison. Kyrie Eleison. Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.
I am begging all of my friends who may read this on both sides of the issues we currently face in our society to have mercy. To seek mercy. But most of all be willing to give mercy. And if we can give mercy Christ will surely show us the mercy we all so desperately need. It’s just too much y’all. Many of my friends may not share the same faith as me and that is completely okay. We ALL need mercy right now. We ALL need to give mercy right now. I need your mercy and I hope to God I can somehow show mercy in my life and work for you.
Let’s learn to talk to each other without robbing those we disagree with of their humanity. Let’s please show respect for the dignity of every human being when we communicate with them. I will not pretend I have been perfect at this, but I will commit to struggling to get this part right if it’s the last thing I do.
My heart is broken. Kyrie Eleison.
Letters From Nod 